You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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