Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
