JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
