I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Someone shattered a urinal.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
