I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
