You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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