The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
