Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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