I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
