you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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