a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
