Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize