I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
