I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
