I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
