Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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