I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
