My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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