I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
