So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
