So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
