Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
