life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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