You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
