i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
