the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
