Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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