Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it hurts more in the daytime
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
