I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
