Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
