This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
