So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
