for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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