My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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