it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
