it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
