so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
