omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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