She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
