I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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