Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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