Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
