I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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