Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
