i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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