I just saw a hot homeless man
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
