i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
