What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
