Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
