Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
