If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
3pm strippers are depressing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
