Need sex. Gaining weight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
