Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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