the condom got lost in my hair
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
