Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it hurts more in the daytime
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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