Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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