You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize