I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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