if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
