another moral hangover. fuck.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
