We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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