I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
