I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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