so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
