Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
