My underwear smells like fireworks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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