so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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