I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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