Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
